Sista..... Stand Up!

Got home after the gym to find the favours had arrived. Still not going to tell you but very cute handmade beauties! Called the cake lady to express my glee and we also had a chat about more ideas for the actual cake. I sooo cant wait for you all to see it!! The women is so lovely but the cost has nearly double since I had the first conversation!!! Trust me, it will be worth every last penny if it is anything like I imagine. she will be taking some pictures of the sugar craft ideas I have designed will be emailing these in a few days... cant wait!! I also have another fabulous idea to attach vintage Vogue covers on card to the favours and use them as name place things. I have found this fabulous website which has all the Vogue covers from the early 19th Century onwards and they are absolutely gorgeous. Sooo me! I also discovered a fabulous book called 'How to walk in high heels’ which is a girls guide to everything fabulous. It has lots of funny and glamorous style tips and quotes from Manolo, Andy Warhol, Coco Chanel etc so I may use some of the quotes on the back of the Vogue cards as a little extra thing. Very pleased with myself.

Really hating the train journey’s at the moment so I hope you don't mind if I have a thirty second rant about why!
• Rush hour is shite, PERIOD
• Friggin despise idiots with small suitcases on wheels during rush hour cause they just drive them over your feet and more importantly mash up your shoes! She clearly has a death wish!
• Tourists who have no idea where they are going during rush hour and walk really aimlessly in front of you.
• The shite exit machine that always messes up on the person in front of you so go straight into the back of the person with your oyster card as you anticipate going through straight behind them.
• Having to stand under someone’s dirty armpit through a journey on a busy tube.
• Having to be an Olympic athlete to run to get a seat.
• Annoying buskers who actually come onto the tube sing some shit in front of you then start begging for money! Get a friggin proper job like the rest of us! iPod volume up!
• Nearly getting stabbed with an umbrella on a packed tube.
• Not being able to finish reading a good metro story over someone’s shoulder due to them reaching their stop, how selfish!
• It was so packed yesterday I swear I could feel some guy’s wood against me! I couldn’t move so I daren’t look! Should I sue Ken Livingston!
When you get out of the station there always someone trying to sell/promote something that apparently your life won’t be worth living without it! For some reason these knobs always seem to be in Victoria and there are still there annoying me as I try to get some peace during my lunch hour.. FRIGG OOOOFF!
• Sorry just one last thing …. Can someone explain to me why some women have started wearing these horrible little trainer pop sock tights thingy’s? They just cover the sole of your foot, then the top edge can be seen hanging outside the side of their shoes? What is that about? Someone please explain cause I don’t get it? I noticed someone at work had them on then I am now confronted with someone sitting opposite me on the tube with the same things. Funny thing is that every time I have seen them, they are normally worm with cute little shoes and these seems hanging out just ruins the look.. It’s just wrong? Please stop it!
Ahhhhh. Thanks, that’s better!

Very Pis*ed at the moment!! I sent a detailed email yesterday to the venue contact to confirm the food tasting which would include the canapés, and 3 course meal. I also requested that she emailed to acknowledge receipt with any response as it was not always possible for me to answer my phone at work. I also like to have everything in writing as can never remember every little thing. The friggin women CALLED me, then proceed to tell me that they don’t do canapés tasting as it was too fiddly for the chef!! I wanted to box her as I had also just trebled the number of people who would be eating them so more money for the hotel! And the friggin idiot is humming and aahhring…. then she said she would leave a note for the chef to do this. Not impressed at all!! If I had known these people were going to be such twats, I would have got married in my garden and saved the money!!!! I can’t believe I will be bringing in thousands of pounds for these people and she just does not seem to give shite!! I may have to switch to bitch mode if she is not careful because I have no faith in her ability to do my wedding whatsoever!!!

Does anyone have cure for snoring before I take a large hammer to my fiancé’s nose!

The cake lady has been a little distant recently as her boys have been unwell, she emailed yesterday and said that she was putting some stuff in the post for me to see and taste ( last week I sent her lots of swatches and tear sheets for colours and inspiration for cake) The ideas I have for the cake décor are now being turned into favors for the ladies!.

The cake lady gave such graphic descriptions of what she has done and I just cant wait to see how my ideas have turned out!! They are so Sex and the City. Oh no, what if I hate them? What if they look more like Blue Peter than Carrie Bradshaw!! Shit… it doesn’t bare thinking about!! Get a grip June, I can’t expect it to land through my letter box perfect but I am hoping she will get wher I am coming from. I want my heart to flutter when I see them and I hopefully I will only need to tweak a few things….! Carrie would be proud!!Oh talking of which, I forgot to tell you that I had the most fabulous Sunday last week and the post man delivered my bargain SATC box set so I watched Carrie all weekend while I was designing the order of service, Menu’s, and place names! FABULOUS!! A little pricey I know but who cares! I have spent so much time planning and doing so much for this wedding who would begrudge me a little Carrie Bradshaw as I work!

Oh dear, I can totally understand why people end up over spending because when you start planning you are kind of in fantasy land about how much things are gonna cost. But the reality is something different. I initially went onto this a little confused as to why people end up spending thousands of pounds on 1 day when we could have sandwiches and a registry office and then use the ,money for a deposit on a house? The reality again is a whirl of emotions, expressions of love and wanting your friends to come and enjoy celebrations of your decision to marry the one you love!! It so hard to keep a tight reign on the budget and sometimes although you only budget 50p for 'make it myself look fabulous'stationary sometimes only the 5k ones will do!! Only joking but you get my drift! I have saved so much money by milking eBay and shopping around but there are some things that your heart just knows is right and you have just have it! Rene and I have done very well not to have taken out any large loans or anything for this but we will still end up owing a little as there are so many twists and changes and its just unavoidable. At least we won’t have honking big debt to take into our marriage though!

Went out on a bit of a bender last week as it was my good friend Lorna’s birthday…. I had been really busy previously with everything and I think I was starting to really feel the build up as more and more decisions were made and my mobile just does not stop ringing with suppliers calling to confirm details. I needed to detach and loose my self and a birthday was the perfect opportunity…. That’s no excuse though because I always get mash up when I see her!! I had 1/12 hors sleep that night and rolled into work the next day still trying to style is out but looking more like Worzel gummidge than trying for some Kate Moss rock chic look! Lorna is such a great friend and is totally responsible for bringing out my rebel side. Most of the time I am very sensible and level headed but as soon as we get together everything goes out the window. My food allergies responsibility is gone and I am up to my ears in Kentucky chicken and shots, sweaty and half dressed from dancing, stumbling downstairs with her box of records at the end of the night!! Sometimes I know I take life too seriously so this is sometimes good for me although I always pay the price later with my food allergy reactions which take about a week to get out of my system so I am not laughing then!! Lorna is such a cool Sista and we go back a long way. Must be nearly 10 years! I can honestly say she is the one who really showed me the ropes around London’s more eccentric scenes (Gabriel’s been great for this too!! More about him later) but we have also had some good heart to hearts too…. I must be getting old as it take a good few days for me to recover when I go out now!! Can’t wait for you all to meet her while she is spinning the tunes at the wedding……

Last weekend I went through all our finances I am really relived that I know where are now and I have updated the wedding budget to reflect what we have left. It is so hard as there are so many gorgeous things I want but can’t have. It’s so difficult to be responsible but I have to keep prioritising what is important to us and stick with that. Lottery numbers please!!!!!!

There is a vintage store I have always wanted to visit as I had read a lot about it and had been passed a few times to find it closed but have never actually entered. Steinberg and Tolkin was the shop I heard about and had had great reviews about its beautiful hand picked vintage gems. They also offer a hire service. When I was first thinking about my outfit, I romanticised about wearing a crisp vintage 50's Givenchy gown with accessories to match. Maybe, Steinberg and Tolkin would have what I wanted but I never did get there until recently. Now I had already bought my dress, but I had always wondered what would have been around for me to hire and whether they would live up to the fantasy in my head. The store was absolutely amazing and I was smiling before I got through the door. There was an eclectic mix of accessories in the entrance. Large glass cases glistening with jewellery and wall to ceiling shelves with handbags , hats and shoes all at home amongst the scratchy sounds of Bessie Smith. This was like my home... I have always loved old things because they have a story and beauty that seems to be absent today. There was a huge basement which was sectioned off in to different decades so customers could find what they wanted depending on their favourite era. Some of it was glorious but most of it was overpriced dirty old tat! Most of which I thought would only be useful for fancy dress.. These people obviously have a keen eye for finding sort after gems for people like me who just love the yester years but my cynical side was screaming why are these people charging ridicules prices for dirty second hand shite? The shop was on the King’s road mind so I am not surprised. After seeing the clothing at supposedly one of the best vintage stores in London I was more convinced than ever that I have made the perfect choice for my dress. My relationship with my wedding dress was fast becoming like a new love affair. First your not sure if you like it then you keep looking at it and talking to it and trying it on and little things happen that make you love it more and more. When I first bought it is was more of an emotional acknowledgement of my love for my mum as she wanted to buy it for me. As she lives n Florida, she would have less involvement in the planning so this was her way of getting involved. Part of me was a bit worried that I may feel different when I got it home but now when I think about it and how its grown on me especially as the accessories have appeared it just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I would never have had the same feeling if I had hired a skankie gown. That moment in the shop when I shut my eyes and went inside told me that this was the dress even though it was the only the 2nd one I tried. Now that I have a piece of mums dress stitched inside, it just makes it all the more special. My passion for vintage is still there as all my accessories to go with my wedding dress are all original 50's vintage pieces (except my earrings but they are still elegant and fabulous!!.) but going to the shop has just opened my eyes to the realties of what would have happened in my hunt for the perfect vintage dress that would have been a skankie rag!!

Now that my gear is near enough sorted it's time to dress the groom. Rene is one of these guys that you just have to see him in it before you say yes. Sometimes the stuff you think is suppose to look great looks shite on him and sometimes things I would never look at just make him look so dashing... have noticed that the choice for grooms is actually not very good. I love the idea and formality of a morning suit but fear that René will just look like a large insect in it! I have gone through the mountains of magazines and selected a few stores to visit in the next couple of weeks.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been soaring down the wedding obsession tunnel getting darker and darker! It’s so easy to slip down there without knowing and sometimes you need someone or something to yank you out of it!! Rene and I were turning into ships passing in the night as I spent hours on the computer and dished up yet another chicken dish. I then began to notice that the smallest things began to get on his nerves and tensions began to creep in. Now Rene is a very patient man and would never stop me doing what I was doing as he knows how hard I have been working for the wedding but once I managed to wipe the wedding magazines and swatches from my eyes I saw a man needing quality time. No talking about cake shapes, or how much we should spend on wine but just good ol fashioned time. Time focused on him and the reason we want to get married. He had been making suggestions about us doing little things for some time but this was the first time I had really heard what he was asking for, me.... Today he asked if I fancied a walk in the woods after I had been to the gym and I was happy to oblige! What better way to spend quality time than to get out of the wedding mayhem environment and be out in nature. The walk was wonderful and it was so lovely to be out... it was so peaceful. It’s great that the outdoors has a way of helping you put things back together when you feel like you are loosing your grip on things. We talked and laughed and I did not realize how much I missed that. It seems silly that you can live with someone and be so far apart from each other when you let other things get in the way. The good news is that we both love each other dearly and he knows I would do anything for him! He's a good listener and we can both communicate from a space of love and not blame or resentment. It just reminded me not to take him for granted and reinforced my reasons for choosing him in the first place .....

I am really excited about the cake!! The lady doing the job has had 16 years experience and also seems to be just as excited as me about making the cake! We had a long conversation on the phone where she talks about a lot of the wedding cakes she makes that are great but all very similar. She quite a creative person so when I rocked up with my swatches and tear sheets it got her creative juices flowing and she is so loving the chance to do something different. Again, I won't be saying too much but it is very Sex and the City!! I got some samples of the cake last week and it is gorgeous! Lemon with lemon curd and buttercream or chocolate. we get the samples this week and she will be sending samples also... can't wait!!

Every time things get a little hairy only my sister will do to help get everything straight in my head. I never would have thought that my relationship with Jennifer would be the way it is now after so many years of not communicating. Before mum moved to Florida I was so afraid they we would all be more estranged as she really was the pivotal source which kept us in touch although few and far between.. We were all reassured around the fact that she was always there to make everything right but when Mum and dad went to live in Florida, to really force the rest of us to look at ourselves and each other for what the family really meant. Jenny and I never really used to be on the same page. Its not that we used to row or anything, we were just so involved in our own lives and we never knew what the other was up to. While I was off being rebel, travelling & modelling all over the place, Jenny was busy with her family and church. I used to feel that I was always going to be judged because of my bohemian lifestyle but as I've got older I've learned that its ok to be different but to respect that other people have opinions very different to mine. I also learned not to beat myself up for not being what other people expect and that I can still love my family without feeling that I have shove my views on them and get upset when they don’t agree..... Gosh I'm glad I have grown up! As I learned to accept my self and my sisters the way we all are I realised how much I really loved my sisters. Jennifer and I are now especially close and not a few days go by when we don’t speak. She is such a warm loving person who has alot to give and is great for advice! I need to make more effort to keep n touch with Marcia though. She is such a great mum and I have always admired her for her sensibilities and the way she looks after her beautiful family. I miss you sis! Can't wait to see her as we all always spend so much time laughing when we get together. For all of you with any sisters out there, don't take them for granted.