Sista..... Stand Up!

Yesterday I had the day off to go to see the registrar about the vows I had written and to discuss the co-ordination of the ceremony. The lady conducting the service is Mrs. Desmond and she was really lovely. It was very special but also strange as things were really starting to kick in that we were actually getting married. I’m not under any illusions or fantasies about our life becoming perfect after the big day. I see it as us having a big party to declare our love and pledge to continue on life’s journey together, warts n all. I began thinking about how I will feel on the day in my dress as we exchange vows and I am already starting to feel a little anxious. All the hard work I put into rewriting the vows had paid off and it was so lovely to hear the registrar repeat them back to us as they will sound on the day. I know I will probably cry so I have to start looking for some nice hankies that I can hide inside my sister’s bag….. 7 weeks to go!

Over the last year my body has been through a lot of changes while I have had to address the issues surrounding my food intolerance. (Wheat, gluten, shell fish, eggs, dairy, maize, & nuts.) Because of the many different things my body does not seem to like, I have practically had to look at the whole of my diet to replace the things I cannot eat to ensure I was still getting a balanced diet. Initially weight just dropped off me as you can imagine it was a nightmare during the transition as I was having to learn how to cook new recipes etc, eating out was a nightmare and also eating at friends houses. Its like a military operation going to work as I have to prepare well in advice and fill the freezer so I have enough food and snacks for the whole day because there is nothing I can eat in the work canteen or lunch bars! Unless you have this issue yourself it is very difficult to explain to people what its like. IT IS REALLY HARD! Somtimes it just gets me down, bulk cooking to fill the freezer and fruit tofu smoothies for breakfast which are fab for fiber intake and the protein from the tofu is excellent for energy. I ove the food but it is very draining having to always prepeare eveything freash myself. I am a size 6 now but I have never felt healthier or leaner due to the humongous amounts of protein I eat. But! what pisses me off is people looking at me and harping on about how thin I am. Would they be saying the same things if I was 25 stone? Would you then be saying Oh June, you’ve put on loads of weight and then start giving me advice about going to weight watches and how to reduce my calories. I know people mean well and I know some have automatically assume I am some sort of secret neurotic anorexic, persisting that a good fry up and some chocolate are the solution for weight gain!! What I normally do is smile sweetly and say nothing but it did get very tiresome having to explain myself all the time so now I say nothing!! Why should I have to justify myself anyway!!! I know I eat well and how healthy I am. I do feel supported that so many people care about me, but sometimes people do go on about it and I will get fed up of feeling I have to constantly defend my weight and reasons for being as small as I am. I feel healthier than ever and my body feels so much more toned… Also, my skin is much more glowing and the horrible symptoms I had before have lifted.. For all you people out there who worry about my weight, thank you for showing your concern if you really care about what I’m eating then bring me a large bag of kettle chips next time you say hello otherwise, its time to STFU!

After my stressful time last week I kept my promise with god to stop stressing out and my date with the queen was fabulous! We met in a little park in Soho and my massive folder of tear sheets and swatches was strewn over the grass as we talked in detail about what I had been up too. It was the first time I had had the opportunity to totally splurge my guts to someone about all my thoughts, ideas and details. I couldn't do this with René as I knew I would just get loads of verbal nods then he would probably fall asleep, mid conversation. I cannot tell my friends and family everything cause I wanted to keep something’s back as a surprise! as Gabe was the creative genius he was the only person I was completely free to tell and see all! I trusted his opinion and knew he would tell the truth if something was totally off or shite.

After 2 hours of splurging, he told me off for panicking about nothing as I had done so much work and a lot of the main jobs had been decided but some of the little jobs were half finished. He identified that this was what was causing a lot of the stress but not worry and there were a lot of key things that needed to happen before the jobs could be finished, ie, the menu’s could not be competed until the food tasting was complete. We had a quick blast around the west end before heading back to Gabes pad for a chilled Saturday night which we had not done in years!! I cooked Caribbean chicken, rice n peas which he totally devoured in about 2 seconds!! The funny thing about cooking at Gabes is that because he normally eats out with clients etc, he has hardly any cooking utensils! The furniture is his flat was gorgeous, a fabulous dark wood case with gold edging for his TV etc, the fab gold dragon was still in the corner but no friggin cooking utensils!! How very fashion!! After dinner we settle down to watch Dancehall queen which was a cult Jamaica film like black Cinderella.

Sunday was the most glorious day. After slap up soul food breakfast of yams, akee and saltfish, we headed for Brick lane. It had been some years since I had been to Spitlefields Market and getting off the tube at Liverpool St brought back memories of dragging my large laundry bag of hand made accessories all the way from B'ham wood to sell at the market...

As we turned the corner onto the old market road my heart sank, what was once a large warehouse of artistic stalls and delicious food from all over the world was now a clinical looking pedestrian square with all the high street shops to follow, Patisserie Valerie, Benefit Cosmetics etc... The energy was gone and it made me sad. Gabes reassured me that it was ok as all the creative people had just moved further back into the ghetto with much better stuff. We turned down a couple of streets which morphed into another country. The hustle and bustle thickens with bodies and thousands of eclectic items for sale. We were in a hurry to get over to the venue by 2.30 so Gabes hot footed us down a few more back streets before we hit Heaven! Vintage Heaven! Here in the heart of east London were buried the most delicious vintage warehouses. All squeezed full of vintage beauties. The first one we approached had me going long before we got inside as I could see loads of shoes suspended from the ceiling, how fabulous!! On entering they nearly had to be me a chair! Row upon row upon row of shoes, and I'm talking about every shade and style! Bags, Kaftans, ball gowns, furs, and jewellery!! There were also huge glass cases with displays of vintage Manolo & Chanel etc!! These weren’t for sale of cause but it was beautiful to see and they certainly got my pulse racing. What is it about vintage fashion, especially shoes that send me into state of blissful euphoria? The decor was very simple and the walls were adorned with the most fabulous of dresses, kaftans, ball gowns etc!! Again, none of which were for sale. We had ten mins to go so Gabriel slipped me into the most gorgeous had made dress he had found (ahh still not telling). I squealed with glee, flashed some plastic vowing to return with a vengeance before heading over to the venue.

Gabes thought the venue was perfect and now had an idea of how the flowers and cocktail bar would work. We had a few drinks and it was back to my place for the outfit wars. I was currently feeling quite traumaed by having so many thoughts and doubts about every outfit. Was it fabulous enough? Was it me? Can I really mix vintage and contemporary and were my choices right? Would I have to spend yet more money to put it right and OH no how much have spent already!!
Gabes was very calm as he demanded we deal with 1 outfit at a time and keep quiet as he assessed the shape, colour, and accessories. He declared I nothing to worry about. The dress was very classy and a classic shape! Granted it’s not a runway piece but it was lik a classic Vera Wang (without the price tag) which was timeless and won’t date. He loved the shoes, again very classic and totally appropriate for my dress. Had to lose the head dress though. Was not working for him at all. Just need to find something simple and I’m good to go he said!! He also loved my evening choice as a very fun party dress that will look fabulous while I’m are dancing!! The last shock I had, was when Gabes declared how foolish I was not have bridesmaids!! What would happen if I look back at the pictures and all out our outfits totally clashed with each other!!!! I never even though of that so I have to now think about outfits for my two sisters!! Hallelujah!!!! Thank god for Gabriel!!!

After how vexed I was after hearing about the canapés situation I thought about sending this email below but decided not to, for fear of the wedding being mysteriously cancelled and me being dragged off to the local nut house!!

Dear Hotel
Assuming you have seen the Wizard of Oz, I ask that you take yourself down the yellow brick road for a moment while I try to make a valid point.

Every little girl has a dream that their perfect wedding day will be filled with love and stars! She has an army of people who are routing for her as she takes one of lifes most important journeys. Remember Glinda, the good witch of the north? She was there all the way with Dorothy. Not doing everything for her, but always being on her side; guiding her down the yellow brick road and working behind the scenes to make sure she got to Kansas with her friends. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that your wedding service is a large part of making a girls dream come true. Not trying to be cynical or anything but the amount of money you guys make from wedding parties, I also assumed you would have 'Glinda' who guides the inexperienced maiden to her destination, kissing her arse all the way! Now in reality, I am well aware that it is impossible to expect everything to go my way but just like Dorothy, I expect ‘Glinda’ to be on my side and fight my corner to make dreams come true within reason. Right now this ‘Dorothy’ feels like she has the tin man instead, where she has to keep an eye on him with the oil can incase he rusts up!! Your ‘Glinda’ makes an appearance in the office when she feels like it, and she’s left her tiara and wand at home cause she can’t be arsed with it! One Dorothy is just the same as the next. What I need is Dorothy’s ‘Glinda.’ Gown starched, wand buffed ready to deliver my ruby slippers!! I don’t want to walk around with the tin man and an oil can.. I need you to help me stay on the yellow brick road but right now I'm not sure you would notice if I was going down the M25!

I’m sorry but I just had to put this last entry in to vent as I am so friggin fuming!!!! I emailed the hotel yesterday to confirm that they will indeed be having canapés at our food tasting. I have just had an email from my contact at the hotel and get this!!! They will do the canapés but will charge me £6 per person. What brilliant service these people have! I am about to spend thousands of pounds with these idiots and first they tell me that making canapés for the tasting was and I quote ‘too fiddly for the chef ‘ and now they want to charge me for them!!! Well! I sent he one straight back gritting my teeth but pleasant and to the point thanking her for all her trouble but to give me the name and number of someone who was authorised to waive this fee if she was not authorize to do so. Wan*ers!! Sorry!!

This girl seriously needs to get a grip as I have now got another cold. The sleep less nights (a combination of snoring and obsessing about wedding fabulous-so) is beginning to take there toll. Last weekend I made a freezer full of lentil soups and things so I would have quick vits to hand but I just think the lack of sleep has blown all my good intentions out of the water. It’s very very hard to slow down and rest when the clock is ticking and still so much to do. I know I have to delegate and get some early nights but it is very hard. My emotions are all over the place. When I see the results coming together I am so high then I want to drive myself harder then my body kicks in and says no lady! Slow down, I get these colds as it’s the only way I seem to get rest. I call it ‘god’s headlock or half nelson’ when I’m not taking care of me enough! She (I relate better to ‘God’ and a divalicious babe) also does this cause my ears are more open to listening to what she has to say when I am sick and right now I am getting another ear bashing.

She’s trying to bribe me now, ‘Take a break and I’ll deliver the shoes you have been looking for.You know you can’t find nothin’ without my help when you’re all stressin’ out and trying to be wonder women. I am the only Wonder Women here and if you want my help, you will have to listen to me. You listenin’ women? If you take the rest of this week off from planning, no emails, no phone calls, no swatches… I will come with you while you are out with Gabe at the weekend and deliver your shoes. Deal?’

Now in my 37 years, whenever I have ignored ‘god’ something has always gone wrong… Maybe this is just wishful thinking now I have decided that the vintage ones I have are just no longer suitable.

God: ‘Stop now, your just about to launch into what’s up, what’s wrong, what’s this blah blah blah… I forgot to say that there will also be no more diary while you rest this week. You can tell your readers that you will give them an update on Monday about how fabulous your new shoes are. Say goodbye. Period.

Good bye. See you all on Monday!

Had a bit of a stressful start to the bank holiday weekend. The creative juices were just not flowing on Saturday and I was fighting with the computer most of the afternoon trying to get it to stop cutting off the bottom of the name place cards I was trying to print. I tried the margins the ruler everything and it was just not happening. The card I was trying to print it on was quite small and I think that the computer had set its minimum margins which is why it was cutting off some of my work. I was still annoyed though as I really did not want to go and spend more money on bigger card! (Have already lost the plot on the stationary budget!) Called Miranda to vent my frustration only to be told off for fighting with the computer for 4 hours when I could have spend a £5 on more card and it could have been done! I went and bought card which ended up only costing me 99p for 8 sheets. The Vogue cover place names now look amazing with the little silk white bows. I have also made some tiny little cards with fashion/love quotes inside the favours bags which will be attached to the Vogue cards. Another fabulous job done!

Woke up feeling like sack of shite this morning as everything seems to be happening all at once at the moment. I went to my final dress fittings on Friday and I am in total turmoil about the whole outfit situation. The evening outfit is sorted, dress, shoes accessories fabulous. Wedding day dress? gorgeous, shoes? Very quaint and nostalgic. Headdress? Stunning! All together? Sooo not happening... Panic? yes!! When planning an outfit you should always have one thing as the focus and then style everything around that piece. However, as my dress has spent such little time in my presence (either in the USA or at the fitters) I have made the mistake of trying to style everything around the whole vintage thing and all together it is just not happenin' My dress has a vintage shape but I am just not sure if it is enough to carry off the accessories. What I need to do is wipe the slate and style everything around the dress and not around my accessories. Every fabulous girl should have a style queen in their little black book to ensure all important fashion moments are dealt with appropriately. Not the one in Buckingham place with the diamonds you understand, but my trusted style queen to the stars, Gabriel. Now Gabe and I have been friends for some 10 years plus and we met when I was a model and he started out as my booker. When I stopped modelling we would still meet and spend weekends of debauchery in seedy Soho clubs. Pole dancing transvestites, butch lesbians and general eccentric free spirits. . . We always laugh too much when we get together and he has been by my guide over the years for all things fabulous. I remember we spent the whole night laughing one weekend at a black queen who thought she was so fabulous in her ratty weave but to make things worse was also wearing silver open toe heels that were about 4 sizes to small so her dinosaur hammer toes where just like claws over the end and she could hardly walk in them! No one with such ugly feet should ever wear open toe shoes but we laughed hard all evening. I also remember going over to his flat once and he had an amazing gold sculpture of a dragon which was encrusted in jewels. It looked like something that should have been in the window at Harvey Nichols at Christmas time and he took great pleasure in telling me it was so fabulous it was a toss up between this piece or his council tax for the year!! This reminded me of the scene in SATC when Carrie talks about buying Vogue instead of food when she was poor as she felt more nourished. Anyway, enough of Gabe and back to my outfit. Gabe is in New York at the moment but we have planned to meet next weekend for him to work his magic on the venue decor and go through the cocktail bar menu. Once he see's my outfit, I have every faith that he will waive his magic wand and everything will be fabulous again!!