Sista..... Stand Up!

Just when I think all hope is lost, out pops my gay Husband to make everything fabulous again. Tonight, I have been invited to a preview of the fabuloius Dreamgirls film. Gabrial has the Disney rights to promote films to the gay community so after that there will be huge competition to find the most fabulous tranny dream girl! I half heartedly packed a bag this morning but had secretly made up my mind to leave after the film because I initially felt like shit but after speaking to Gabe I feeling all fabulous again. Its a good job I packed, some sequinns, eye glitter and my large afro as I intend to be working that stage later behind the trannies!! xxx

Winge permission?
I’m feeling a range of emotion today, going from lost to raging bitch. Its almost time for me to face the Pussy man for my results and Rene is nagging me but I just cant face it today.... I also feel an enormous amount of resentment at being forced into this redundancy situation and its not helping that I am still being bombarded with people asking me to help them with stuff when I really want to tell them to go fu*k themselves! The enormity of trawling through hundreds of websites looking for work is a chore and having to read between the lines of ‘exciting new administrator’ really meaning ‘tea making skivie required’ is just getting on my tits! What is also getting me down is that I am feeling that I am not allowed to be upset and people constantly asking me if I’m alright. I know they mean well but No, I am not fuckin’ alright!! I’m feeling the shit… Rene’s doing his best to be positive but seems to find it hard to accept it when I am down. Right now I don’t want people to keep offering me advice and solutions to what is happening, I just want someone to listen to my being upset and frustration and sympathize without trying to fix it. Yes I know its not the end of the world, yes I know I have skills to get another job, yes I know things will work out for the better but I am still allowed to be upset and give my self the permission to feel how I do and then I will be able to move on. I think I feel worse because I am just expected to be the trouper all the time and be there fore everyone else in my team and not get upset because those close to me don’t know what to say. I am amazed that there are certain people who I have spoken to at work who I got along with and now they are ignoring me because they don’t know what to say?? Its like someone died! I’m not dead, just been fuc*k off because of more profit required. It hurts because I have worked really hard and built relationships but I will get over it and move on. Please Just let me have my moment of madness and then I will jump into action and rise like phoenix like I always do….

In the blink of an eye my obsession with Jade's catastrophic CBB balls up vanished a few moments after being summoned to a directors office..... It had been brewing for some time and today was THE day..
2 hours earlier, the whole Head office was summoned to a meeting to be told that the whole company was being informed of the same message. That we were all at risk of redundancy and we were to find out in the next couple of days if were personally going to be affected. On returning to our desks, I witnessed my boss and two other senior mangers going into the head of department’s office. 20 mins later the door opened to tears & solemn faces and the head of department leaving the building straight after. I was told nothing else until I was sat in front of the retail director. Amongst all the legal jargon I made out that the whole department was being made redundant except my boss and one of the project guys. 11 people, wiped out, with a good bye and thank you. I left the building shortly after, foggy headed with a fat silver folder of legal shit to get my head around......... Now I'm a jobless, four eyed with half a pussy! The future is not looking bright!

My eyes had been aching for a couple of weeks so it was time to take advantage of the free House of Fraser eye test voucher and find out what the scrip was with my eyes. After 29 mins of reciting, testing eye pressures and 100 questions, it turns out I'm slightly long sited because of the time I spend on the PC. They seem a little disgruntled that I have not handed over any money for the Chanel frames but I trip back to work as I did not have my purse and was under no obligation to buy my lenses from them anyway! I find out that the discounted £200 plus I was going to spend was not a bargain at all and marvellous Spec savers were doing an offer of buy one get one free for £125 including the lenses. So its clear who gets my wonger. I end up with a fab retro 60’s 'Red or Dead pair' and a groovey 50’s ugly Betty pair which I have now grown to love...

As I lied back in the large squeaky leather chair with some strange Asian man looking at my pussy on a large screen I felt cheated. After my previous smear and confirmation of the abnormal cells I had to have biopsy now before I had the full op to remove all the cells in 6 weeks time. Since this has happen, all my friends and family have come out of the woodwork with tales of how they or their friends have had it done and how awful it was. Why is no one telling people all this shit.. I'm only now beginning to realise just how shit my sex education was at school and also the importance of having these things done. Yes, It was invasive, Yes, I would rather not have a strange man fumbling around my nether regions with lube and the camera. I felt very queasy and nearly passed out when I had to get up but if I had left this unchecked I could have been looking at cervical cancer in 5- 10 years!! If you haven't had your regular smear done make and appointment today to get it checked and seen to. I could have been like alot of other women who may prefer to keep such a personal thing to themselves but its so important I couldn’t keep silent about this one!

I'm sitting on the tube going home feeling cheated after seeing Mary Poppins at the theatre. My lip hangs down as I wonder where all the magic went along with Bert’s charisma and acting talent. Mary herself was a joy to watch and her voice was pitch perfect along her crisp outfits and sturdy reliable brolly. The story followed the same path as the film of course, but there were dark overtones and I was disappointment that the campness, choreography and glitter were nowhere to be seen. The classic tunes were there along with some slow and tedious songs. I wanted to leap from my seat few times during supercalagilisticexpialidotious, its jolly ‘olidy, lets go fly a kite etc to liven things up but the performers and audience was not having any of it!! Dull!! I even nodded off a few times in the second half! What was also strange was one of the extra characters who had a little pet dog. It wasn't a real one but more resembled the scruffy 'spit the dog' (remember him) than a middle class women’s posh pooch! I've loved Mary Poppins since I was a little girl and seen it 1000 times. Each session just as magical as the first, always willing Mary not to leave them, then dominating the rest of afternoon with lots of grinning, sing songs and clenched fists and raised elbows as I 'stepped in time.' I’m still traumared to this day!!

Its 7.30pm an I’m on my way home after visiting Trailfinders and you would think I was on the verge of orgasm as I have finally booked the honeymoon with all the trimmings within budget? I’m really knackered and was quite looking forward to having a tube carriage to myself so I can read all the discarded newspapers and put my feet up but no. Instead, I’m rammed into the corner of a tube with the newspaper right up against my nose and I'm pissed! Where have all these people come from and why is the train so packed now? Were they all huddled around the corner waiting for me to come out of the shop so they could ruin my journey? It’s just like friggin peak commuter time. I could be really evil and drop a huge one as the lentils I had a lunch time are brewing and would clear the carriage sharpish??? The only thing that saved the stench was the man that vacated the seat in front of me 3 stations into my journey. I am happy to get a seat but now I am facing a scrawny hippy with his trouser button and zip down. Ehrrr I can see his 'use to be white' grey pants.. Puhleeases lawd save me from this place! Maybe I should reconsider releasing the evil brew to get him to move but I hold my dignity until I leave the station and give it to the moody ticket man outside instead!! He he.....

Sorry I've been away so long, you are about to find out why!!

I am so friggin excited. I think I have sorted the honeymoon and kept everyone happy!!! I had a really good think about things in my last honey moon entry and before sounding off at René about my frustrations I had a really good think. Family has become so much more important to me over recent years and I know if we don’t go and see mum or Sally’s wedding I would regret it. I won’t see mum again till we go for her 60th birthday party and I know she has been really missing her kids... It will be amazing to see Marcia's new home she built from scratch as well as the dog and my new Niece!! How could I not go and see them? I'm such a softie I know!! I am so skinning my teeth right now I want to do this.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O3Elki8cVE Just love Josephine!! Sorting out the honeymoon has been getting me down a bit because I never thought I would be able to arrange something nice for us as well as see everyone but I did it, within budget with money left over!! I cant stop smiling and I want to tap the lady beside me on the tube on her shoulder and just tell her I'm going on honeymoon just for the hell of it!. Some bloke catches me smiling and thinks I am looking/fancy at him? No numbskull you're not that gorgeous I am going on honeymoon!! Ren and I have both booked most of May of to first go and spend the week with my Mum and sister in Atlanta. Then we fly down to Orlando for 5 days for our friends wedding, then down to Miami for 5 days to hang out before picking up a 5 day mini cruise around the Bahamas. I've been told its a little commercial but still worth it and very hot and beautiful. Work has been getting on my tits so much since I've been back I cant wait to be away from the building for a whole 3 weeks YeeeeeHAhaaaaaa...... Wanna come??

I have had so many emails today about the whole big bruv situation... Have a look at this link and judge for yourself about what Jack said!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLdy4RL4fD4

I think its very clear!! Chennel 4 know it too which is why it has been bleeped out! Why have they allowed this to go on without any form of repromand? Why have they not been dragged into the diary room and bollocked? Why should it take the british public to complain in their droves demanding that something is done... It is a reality TV show and they should be showing what it real! this clip was not on the evening TV show as they edited it out!! As ugly as this is, Channel 4 were in a position to blow this ugly stench wide open and show what we all know goes on in some peoples mind below the surface but no, they choose not to show it and do absolutly nothing!! Bullshit, gutless bullshit!! This is not just about the Asian community its about all of us accepting each other wherever we come from and not allowing other people to get away with what is clearly wrong! I always loved channel 4 for aften having the balls to make programmes that pushed other peoples buttons and made them think but this time this is a clear attempt to sugar coat the truth and condone there behaviour buy doing nothing!! I've already phoned and complained on every petition i have got in my email box and they've not seen the last us yet!! Kiss my arse Channel 4!!!

Hi,

More later but had to put this on!! Shilpa needs us to expose this evil racist shite going on in the BB house!! Please sign this, we need to get her out or at least get this stopped!

http://www.petitiononline.com/Shilpa/petition.html

Pass this link on to EVERYONE who you think would sign this!!!!

Love thy neigbour!!!!! will have a proper rant later.....

Feeling a bit down today. Work is dragging me down and I am finding it really hard to keep things in perspective! Feeling unappreciated, overworked , underpaid, ignored, taken for granted! After my yoga session this morning, I listened to my soul and it really is time to make some changes. Corperate companies will always be money orientated and where i am has never been particulaly people focused even with their customers. I'm fed up with working my arse off while other bask in the glory! Being comfortable even though I've had enough is not a good place to be.... Its time I really started thinking about myself and my own preoffessional needs instead of what these morons are bleeding out of me...

What is going on in the world when people can not be left alone to live their lives without hurting any body? I am outraged that Christian groups are protesting because they don’t want Gay people to have access to their meeting rooms / services. How pathetic!! Ignorance is evil and if they believe that being gay is wrong that then they have every right to their opinion but what these numbskulls need to get into their narrow minded peanut heads is that being Gay is not a choice or lifestyle fashion. It something that people are born with. Not like a disease, but just like someone would be born with blonde hair or freckles. A person is born gay! Some people can stay in the closet for fear of discrimination and some live as they wish and it should be no one else’s fuc*ing business!! If a Christian group is offering a service to the community, why would you allow a straight person to have access and not a gay person? It is against the law to discriminate against, age, colour, sex and religious belief so why should the laws not be changed also to protect people’s sexual orientation too…. What the frig are these people afraid off?? AAAAAh its makes me so mad!! This is one of the main reasons I did not want to get married in church! I know the institute of marriage is all christian and all that but we were both keen to commit to each other and keep religion well out of it. We had our own vows about being spiritual etc but with no religious connotations at all as we don’t do religion!!. These people need to get a grip!! If Jesus actually lived today, do you think he would be protesting with these people!! All this religious man made dogma stinks of self righteous, judgmental, horse shit!!

Now that the festivities are over and it’s soon time to take down your tinsel and glitter, don’t forget to recycle your Christmas cheer. Tesco are recycling cards for the Woodland Trust http://www.woodland-trust.org.uk/cards/ What I do before sending mine off is cut out any of the groovy pictures and use them as gift tags for next year!!! Bargain Blue Peter badge moment!! I sent some e-cards this year which are free and eco friendly so bag that one for next year too!! I know its not that same as having all the cards scattered around the fireplace but the earth is more important wouldn’t you say!!! As much as we hate to admit it we all get shite pressies from ‘Granny No Friggin Idea’ that just end up in a draw somewhere. If you don’t like it give it to charity or sell the dreaded thing on Ebay! Why let it go to waste and clutter your house!! If too many people already know your ebay address and may see it, set up a secret one and tell no one. That way you can sell all the shite that people give you and know one gets offended. You can also keep all your secret shopping there too if you have any snoops!!! Don’t forget you can recycle your tree as well…!!
For more details? http://www.wasteonline.org.uk/resources/InformationSheets/ChristmasRecycling.htm

I don’t really make New years resolutions because if something needs changing then you should just commit to changing it whatever time of year, but if I am going to do anything its going to be to try to be greener and more eco friendly. I am an old hippy at heart after all…. http://www.foe.co.uk/

Now that Christmas is over and eveyone's skint, it's a good time to start thinking about the honeymoon and getting some sun on my pasty face. Yes, I know what ya'll thinkin' how can a sista be pastie but yes, we do and I am. Kinda like a grey tinge and lawd now I need that sun glow to kiss my bones. When we originally decided what to have as our wedding gift list we decided that a honey moon would be great as there is no way we could afford to do it otherwise. With Hindsight I wish we had just asked for hard cash as we are now limited to what and where we can go as Trailfinders (managed our gift list) have given us vouchers which we are now obligated to spend with them. I am over the moon that we have about 2K to spend but am currently having heart failure when looking at how much its costs just get a little something for the two of us!! On top of that we have a friends wedding to go to in Florida and Mum is missing us and wants us to go and see her in Georgia to. I am ademant that I was going to have to be selfish on this holiday because Rene and I have never been away on our own before and this was probably going to be my last proper holiday before we start having a family. There’s not a lot I can do about our friends getting married in Florida but I will have to come to a compromise with mum over the Georgia visit. Our friends had already offered to pay for the two days accommodation we will be in Florida for their wedding and has recently offred to let us stay an extra couple of days. What I could do as a compromise is accept the extra days and get Mum and Dad to say with us for the 4 days we are in Florida as there were invited to the wedding anyway. I have just had quotes back for £1500 just for the flights all over the place excluding the honeymoon accommodation in Aruba! That's probably going to cost us an extra grand!! I don't want us to get into any more debt and it is important that we both keep focused on the fact that it is our honeymoon first and foremost so I'll have to re-gig things. As much as we love our family and friends, anything/one else will have to be worked around what we want this time.

Yes, its that time of year again when celeb BB is back to overtake our living rooms for the next 3 weeks. The launch last night was a bit of an anti climax. I hovered, shallow breathing over the TV only to discover that my all time hero will not be entering! Where was the Hoff? How could they lie to me? How could they deny me the only thing worth watching CBB for! Before you all start asking yourself what kinda black sista am I to like this cheesy fool. I’m being ironic. I do love the Hoff but I love the wrongness of him. The shite singing carrer and the
Cheesetastic grin. Here’s the evidence!! You just have to smile when you see how rubbish he is!! Check out his facial extressions!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKuQXGrFSQ0&mode=related&search=
Ohh and … whoopee ding that H has just annouce he is gay? Helloooooo!!!! Like we didn’t already know fool!! I’m now debating weather to boycott watching it in protest for absent HOFFor whether I would deny myself the potential of seeing Jermanie Jackson and the Johnny Rotton wannabe fighting over his wee stains. Or Ken Russell trying to fondle Cleo ( Kenny Everatt babe) in the middle of the night!!

Was just noseying through some other blogs on this site and came across an entry which asked? ‘When was the last time you did something for the first time? Remember the excitement and sense of fulfillment in achieving it?’ I remember the excitement of a ‘first time.’ The unknown and where it may lead just like your first kiss. How powerful is that? As we get older we do the things we know and feel safe with, but how are we going to grow and learn if we don’t try different experiences? Talk to new people? See new places and cultures? Responsibility sometimes keeps us trapped in the world of familiar but now and then it would be great if we could all do something, go somewhere we have never been before just for the hell of it. I’m a little scared of horses but I’ve also always wanted to learn how to ride. I’ve also always wanted to go to India but never made it. The only time I nearly went was after a shitty break up that I just could not shake off. Rene and I were great friends then and I decided to go to St Lucia with him instead. India lost out but I gained myself a husband instead!! If you look back at your life over the last 10 years would you be happy with what you see? What would you change? What do you want your legacy to be and what would be your life’s soundtrack? Hmm, what would my soundtrack really be? I’ll get back to you on that one? Lawd, lawd, life’s to short so I think its time for me to set up a ‘first time’ list and make some time to throw some sugar at the wind….

Happy New Year everyone! It’s back at work today after a shite night’s sleep. Despite my back to work despair, I have so many great things to remember about my first Christmas as Man and Wife. It was a quiet affair with no visits or visitors but that was just as we liked it this year. We both had lots of rest, good food and enough cheesy TV to turn you potty. Along with The Color Purple I also watch Jason and the Argonauts, Oliver Twist, A Christmas carol, and Clash of the Titans. Armed with snacks and my hot water bottle, all that lovely meaningless, Christmas feel good cheese is right up my street.

The highlights for me during my time off were slow dancing in the kitchen on Christmas morning with my half naked husband. Shit! that brotha has such a buff chest and arse. I received a fly 18ct gold, hand made ‘Mrs AB’ necklace. Ghetto fabulous to the max!! Then, what was supposed to be a cuddly New Years eve for two in front of Jools Holland turned into mammoth session of noni worship from dead on 12 o’clock which continued into the next morning followed by a prompt cup of Lemon tea and banana. Yeahhhh Yeahhhhhhh… Much better than going out and spending too much money and getting soaked in the process from the rubbish weather. Defiantly the best Christmas and New Year see in I’ve ever had!

The final thing that made me smile on New Years Day was during another You Tube hour, Rene discovered a clip from an episode of the Cosby Show where I first heard this fabulous song by Ray Charles. This legendary tune became our first dance at our wedding. The first time we saw an episode of the Cosby Show back in the day I remember my sister jumping down the stairs shouting, ‘Black people are on TV!’ and we were glued from that day thtough the whole series. Bill Cosby is such a legend and the clip from this episode was one of our most memorable as you will soon see! Enjoy and may your 2007 be filled with Joy!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=664tijaj8Tc&feature=PlayList&p=377F5BA95AFF8A34&index=3