What is it about food and shopping that drives me like some crack craving banshee when I get stressed or feel under pressure!! A few hours after hearing about my redundancy I sank into a void of destruction, eating all the food I am intolerant too and shopping like Posh on speed! Hurrying from one shop to the next, convincing myself that I had to have that Item…. Each purchase made me feel better for about 1 second which is why I had to get to the next fix? What was I running / shopping from. Fear of not being about to pull it out of the bag this time? Fear that no one would want me although I had a vat of professional skills…. What was that about… the food thing was horrendous as some of the stuff I was eating I hadn’t touched since I was diagnosed with the food intolerance 18 mths ago. Umpteen toasted Cheese paninis, secret bounty bars, a large slice carrot cake covered in cream… all tasted delicious!

Sound pretty normal you might say, but to my body they’re the enemy! After gorging all the shite, the scary palpitations took hold (egg from the cake is my worse allergy) and at one point I went into the toilet to make myself sick because I could really feel them getting harder, but that didn’t work so I had to suffer the consequences… within a few days the shite food had taken me to a new low and now all the skin rashes emerged around my hips, feet and a few little areas on my face. Not that noticeable on face thank God. Then the sleep deprivation kicked in… I was awake for 3 hours on the hour then I would fall back to sleep and wake up battered!! Why was I punishing myself for something that had absolutely nothing to do with me personally?? Somehow although I knew this logically, my psyche had taken this on personally with a vengeance and somehow it was my fault, my doing, my incompetence??

Thankfully this only lasted a few days and once I was feeling Really shite, I got a grip of myself and yanked my sinking soul out of the swamp and back onto dry Land. Hang on a minute Sista, you haven’t been diagnosed with a terminal disease, you husband still fancy’s the pants off you? You’re are intelligent women; you’ve had your moment in the mire so you can move your arse now! After my self telling off, I began the sensible task of flushing out all the shite I had just poisoned my body with and the first litre of water was on the way to bring me back where I belonged. On top of my shit!