Well, it’s been one hell of a 3 months! I haven’t been blogging again for a while as I just found it hard to write about anything. My head has been so cluttered with so many different things that I just wanted to run away most of the time. R and I had not planned to have any kids at this time and being the control freak that I am have been totally caught off guard with this one! The first few weeks of the pregnancy I had a lot of doubt about my ability to be a good mother. The responsibility of running a tight ship at home and keeping my family happy is a tall order. Its not like I can go back when she’s an adult and change things so its important that I get it as right as I can as she grows up. No pressure then!!
The lack of money I’ll have once I give up work scares the shit out of me. How is the baby going to affect our sex life! The relationship? Our social life? How am I going to spread myself between a demanding baby and a rampant husband! After my initial freak out, I cry, vent my fears, calm down and now I’m taking one day at a time. Strangely enough, being pregnant seems to have made me less anxious about things in general than I was before....
I have my scan on Monday which will tell me if the baby has a high risk of Downs Syndrome. The doctor told me at the previous scan that they measure the fluid in a baby’s neck and the length will say if the child is high risk. He then goes onto assume that if there are issues, I will automatically want an abortion but to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I could go ahead and kill the baby after seeing its heart beating at six weeks. It’s a big decision to have a less able bodied child and I'm not sure if I can do that either? We’ll see what happens…. I already love this little baby......
