Sista..... Stand Up!

I'm on the tube on my way to meet R to go to our first scan since this all happened. The scan will tell us if the baby has downs. We have to have these extra tests due to my being an older mum. I took the whole day off work as my car was still not ready and I couldn’t get a lift in this time. My morning was mixture of so many emotions. First felt knackered when I work up, then after breakfast felt like I needed a filthy Jenna Jameson style rodgering! That soon went as I glimpse the huge mountain of washing up, which then brought on extreme annoyance and a few tears about what the outcome of this afternoon would be. Hormones eh?

We reach the Euston hospital in good time and didn’t have to wait long before being ushered into a small room. A wonderful midwife called Patricia talked us through what would happen during the scan and also gave me lots of advice about the birth. I asked about a more natural approach without intervention and she was the first person I had spoken too who was really positive about my way of thinking. She even loved the fact that I had considered having a home birth. Most people I had spoken too previously had all seemed to scare me because it was my first. Ok I am a first time mum and I don’t know if I’ll be screaming for an epidural but she was the first person who I felt was on my side giving me more options. Their is birthing unit in Edware which is pro natural birth but you can have gas & air also. I'll read up more on it on the web when I get home.

I felt confident about the scan but there was still a little side of me that wasn’t sure. I was so looking forward to seeing my little baby again. Cold jelly smeared onto my belly there she was. This time, it really did look little a little person. She danced inside me and the doctor had a bit of trouble checking her over as she moved. I could see her little hands, her profile, her spine, it was so wonderful. I thought I'd be a real woss and start crying again but I was just grinning! The nucal measurements are normal so so far the baby is not at risk of downs. Just have to wait for the blood test results next week to confirm for sure…. Still hard to get me head around what it will be like when the little one arrives!
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One of the strongest instincts I’ve had since this all happened is to question how eco my life is right now. I like to think that I’m quite aware of doing my bit for the environment but in practice was I really doing it?

From an eco perspective, I am the worlds worst for shopping and cluttering up the flat with things I convinced myself I needed. I have good intentions for making my home more cosy or feeling better about myself with a new item of clothing but these are just quick fixes that quite often end up squeezed in some corner or at the back of am already heaving cupboard! I have given myself so many lame excuses previously about why I need 36 pairs of black trousers but this time I vow to be ruthless! The ethical thing is a little trickier! The main thing I have found difficult is that although ethical shopping is the right way to go in theory, it can be a lot more expensive and when cash is huge priority what’s a skint mum to do?

From the moment I announced that I was pregnant, I’m bombarded with ‘expert’ opinions about what I should or shouldn’t do. Mothers flood me with horror stories of how traumatic their child birth was and tell me to book my Epidural today! As soon as I’m registered anywhere, I’m inundated with samples of Pampers, Johnsons, Avent etc etc. all the leading name brands that are supposedly ‘best’ for baby.

Call me cynical but I don’t always believe that just because something is a leading brand that it’s the best product. These large corporate companies have a clear money a gender with large advertising budgets and I’m not about to give them my cash unless I know the product is going to work for me and my family.

Now, I’ve never been a sheep following what others do, and giving birth to this baby is going to be no exception. Despite all the ‘expert’ advice I decide that I will read everything I can get my hands on about natural/holistic pregnancy, childbirth and parenting. I’m seeing a lot of raised eyebrows thinking, ‘Eco mother bolloc*s! You say that now but when giving birth feels like shitting a fridge, you'll be screaming for pain relief!' I have no idea how I’ll feel, I don’t even get period pains so I have no concept of what I’m getting myself into, but I’m sticking with my instincts and going as natural as I can. This was going to be another challenging chapter in my life where I would only follow my instinct as it has never failed me yet!